new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
