I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
