I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
