Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
