he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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