can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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