So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize