i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
