Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
