the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
