The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
