i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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