I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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