Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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