dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
