I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
