I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
