Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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