Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
