don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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