I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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