The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
