If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
