You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
