Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
