after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
