i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
