He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
