I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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