I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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