I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
