I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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