We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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