Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
