And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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