there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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