If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
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