Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do vagina's smell?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
