Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
