How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
