bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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