Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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