I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
