the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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