I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
