It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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