if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
