I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
