Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
don't judge my taste in strippers
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
