I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
