You can't motorboat a personality
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
