I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
