please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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