I feel great
I just peed on a car
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
