I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
