Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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