He asked to "fluff my boner.."
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
