Jerry, you need to find god
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
