Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
