well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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