My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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