Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm going to jail i love you
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
