No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
