Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I looked at my own cervix.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
