dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
