i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
