evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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